How To Speak Ioweigan
Former water tower of Stanton, Iowa.
Last week, I posted Mississippi-isms, a crowd-sourced blog post about how we talk so we don't get on all y'all's last nerve.
Not to shaft my current home, I invited folks here to share how to speak Iowegian.
To be completely transparent, I was pleasantly surprised with the level of response, even the arguments between was what authentically Iowan versus Minnesotan. I had assumed (wrongly) that us Southerners would be more forthcoming than my Midwestern neighbors, probably because we’re so loud, likely due to yelling over the buzz of mosquitos or across a Mardi Gras parade.
Big thanks to everyone who submitted phrases, and to Talk of Iowa superhost and Iowa Public Radio legend, Charity Nebbe, who sent me the link to a 2010 episode about just this topic. Shout out also to Charlie Berens, the uber translator of all things Midwest.
So here goes!
Squinney or ground squirrel = chipmunk
“Ope!” or “Ope! Sorry!” = “a catch-all for things like, ‘oops’ or ‘excuse me’. I say it a lot when I run into inanimate objects, or drop something."
Pass the ranch = Iowa’s only condiment
Uff-Da = spoken during a challenge, like lifting something heavy, or a sorry turn of events
Crick = creek...most of the time interchangeably, but for some flowing bodies of water are crick, creek, or river depending on size.
Pop = soda. (In Mississippi, we call pop “coke.”)
Warsh = wash. “I wash my car but my mom warshes hers.”
Parking ramp = parking garage
Kybo= port-a-potty
Padiddle= car with one headlight out
Puppy chow = Chex mix with chocolate and powdered sugar
The Music Died on February 3, 1959, outside of Clear Lake, Iowa. RIP Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper.
Salad = “literally anything with more than one ingredient...often times with gratuitous amounts of jello or whip cream”
Tenderloin = fried pork sandwich
Sack = grocery bag
Smells like money = farmer talk for smelling manure
Slapping your knees and saying "whelp" is the start to leaving an event. The entire process takes no less that 20 minutes = Midwest goodbye
Road trippin' OR road'n= “underage drinking in a car on gravel roads where I grew up”
Knee high by the fourth of July = a general rule of thumb when gauging healthy corn growth
Scotcharoos = an Iowa dessert involving peanut butter, rice Krispy treats, and chocolate
Busch Latte = Busch light...a very popular beer in Iowa
Too yet = “In the NW corner, possibly due to Dutch heritage, I grew up with ‘too yet’ As in ‘I have to go to the grocery store too yet.’ “
Blinky milk = slightly sour milk.
Jennifer Drinkwater, Seed Savers, limited edition print, 16” x 24”, 2024. One of Iowa’s treasures.
Check out a stop-motion animation of this painting coming to life, and learn more about the history of Seed Savers Exchange.
Have at it! = yeah, YOU try to figure this out.
Yeah, no = no
No, yeah = yes
Really quick or quick a minute = speedy
Hot dish = casserole
Bubbler = water fountain
Walking taco = taco meat shoved into a Doritos bag and eaten with a fork.
Aunt (rhymes with font) versus aunt (pronounced ant) is a regional distinction.
As useless as tits on a boar = no explanation needed
Maid-rite, tavern, sloppy joe, beefburger, spoon burger = all variations of beef-based burgers
Colder than… = Iowans LOVE to talk about weather.
Davenport = sofa or couch.
Wrassle = wrestle
Using “while” instead of “until” = like “9 while 5”. Only ever heard this in Iowa.
Eliminating “to be” in phrases = i.e. “needs fixed, needs warshed, needs baled.”
Youse = you, plural
Better than a boot in the butt with a muddy boot = Describes an unfortunate but not tragic turn of events
Fart in a skillet = describes someone with unbridled energy
“My husband says Iowan’s say ‘kitty corner’ and ‘sure as shit’.”
Sentences starting with “anymore” = “Anymore, we don’t get much snow in November.”
Blacktop = the main road through town
“In Keokuk, we called people form across the border in Missouri, Goat Ropers.”
the parking or tree lawn = the strip of land between the sidewalk and the street
Oh my golly = expression of surprise
“To native Iowans, “caramel” has only (gasp!) two syllables.”
Punkin = “a (nonironic) pronunciation of pumpkin”
Whistle pigs = wood chucks
On special = sale
“Another thing I have only heard in Iowa: a farmer from NW Iowa described an ag field he wanted to acquire as a ‘piece of ground’. “
Beggar’s night = the night before Halloween, when trick-or-treating happens (Jennifer here - I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A THING)
That’s spendy = fancy
Outside the Pale Moon in Sunshine, Iowa, one of Iowa’s old-time supper clubs. Midwestern supper clubs rule.
If you like weird idioms, I’d invite you to check out The Undegooglables, a podcast that was started by my good friend and his buddies a few years back. They take a stab at the origins of common sayings without Google and it’s hilarious. Very entertaining.
For what to see in Iowa when you visit, check out: 100 (Weird, One-of-a-Kind) Community Events in 99 Iowa Counties.
Here are a couple of weekend itineraries to get you organized, while you’re at it.
