How To Speak Ioweigan
Former water tower of Stanton, Iowa.
Last week, I posted Mississippi-isms, a crowd-sourced blog post about how we talk so we don't get on all y'all's last nerve.
Not to shaft my current home, I invited folks here to share how to speak Iowegian.
To be completely transparent, I was pleasantly surprised with the level of response, even the arguments between was what authentically Iowan versus Minnesotan. I had assumed (wrongly) that us Southerners would be more forthcoming than my Midwestern neighbors, probably because we’re so loud, likely due to yelling over the buzz of mosquitos or across a Mardi Gras parade.
Big thanks to everyone who submitted phrases, and to Talk of Iowa superhost and Iowa Public Radio legend, Charity Nebbe, who sent me the link to a 2010 episode about just this topic. Shout out also to Charlie Berens, the uber translator of all things Midwest.
So here goes!
Squinney or ground squirrel = chipmunk
“Ope!” or “Ope! Sorry!” = “a catch-all for things like, ‘oops’ or ‘excuse me’. I say it a lot when I run into inanimate objects, or drop something."
Pass the ranch = Iowa’s only condiment
Uff-Da = spoken during a challenge, like lifting something heavy, or a sorry turn of events
Crick = creek...most of the time interchangeably, but for some flowing bodies of water are crick, creek, or river depending on size.
Pop = soda. (In Mississippi, we call pop “coke.”)
Warsh = wash. “I wash my car but my mom warshes hers.”
Parking ramp = parking garage
Kybo= port-a-potty
Padiddle= car with one headlight out
Puppy chow = Chex mix with chocolate and powdered sugar
The Music Died on February 3, 1959, outside of Clear Lake, Iowa. RIP Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper.
Salad = “literally anything with more than one ingredient...often times with gratuitous amounts of jello or whip cream”
Tenderloin = fried pork sandwich
Sack = grocery bag
Smells like money = farmer talk for smelling manure
Slapping your knees and saying "whelp" is the start to leaving an event. The entire process takes no less that 20 minutes
Road trippin' OR road'n= “underage drinking in a car on gravel roads where I grew up”
Knee high by the fourth of July = a general rule of thumb when gauging healthy corn growth
Scotcharoos = an Iowa dessert involving peanut butter, rice Krispy treats, and chocolate
Busch Latte = Busch light...a very popular beer in Iowa
Too yet = “In the NW corner, possibly due to Dutch heritage, I grew up with ‘too yet’ As in ‘I have to go to the grocery store too yet.’ “
Blinky milk = slightly sour milk.
Have at it! = yeah, YOU try to figure this out.
Yeah, no = no
Really quick or quick a minute = speedy
Hot dish = casserole
Bubbler = water fountain
Walking taco = taco meat shoved into a Doritos bag and eaten with a fork.
Aunt (rhymes with font) versus aunt (pronounced ant) is a regional distinction.
As useless as tits on a boar = no explanation needed
Maid-rite, tavern, sloppy joe, beefburger, spoon burger = all variations of beef-based burgers
Colder than… = Iowans love to talk about weather.
Davenport = sofa or couch.
Wrastle = wrestle
Using “while” instead of “until” = like “9 while 5”. Only ever heard this in Iowa.
Eliminating “to be” in phrases = i.e. “needs fixed, needs warshed, needs baled.”
Youse = you, plural
Better than a boot in the butt with a muddy boot = Describes an unfortunate but not tragic turn of events
Fart in a skillet = describes someone with unbridled energy
“My husband says Iowan’s say ‘kitty corner’ and ‘sure as shit’.”
Sentences starting with “anymore” = “Anymore, we don’t get much snow in November.”
Blacktop = the main road through town
“In Keokuk, we called people form across the border in Missouri, Goat Ropers.”
the parking or tree lawn = the strip of land between the sidewalk and the street
Oh my golly = expression of surprise
“To native Iowans, “caramel” has only (gasp!) two syllables.”
Punkin = “a (nonironic) pronunciation of pumpkin”
Whistle pigs = wood chucks
On special = sale
“Another thing I have only heard in Iowa: a farmer from NW Iowa described an ag field he wanted to acquire as a ‘piece of ground’. “
Beggar’s night = the night before Halloween, when trick-or-treating happens (Jennifer here - I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A THING)
That’s spendy = fancy
Outside the Pale Moon in Sunshine, Iowa, one of Iowa’s old-time supper clubs. Midwestern supper clubs rule.
For what to see in Iowa when you visit, check out: 100 (Weird, One-of-a-Kind) Community Events in 99 Iowa Counties.
Here are a couple of weekend itineraries to get you organized, while you’re at it.